I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Haters make you famous.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
