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Fall in love with my mind.

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I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.

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You don't have to understand to be understanding.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

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I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own

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I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.

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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.