Perception is everything.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
You need over 60 muscles to look angry and less then 10 to smile, so why tire yourself?
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
