You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
Wild hearts can't be broken.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Immaturity keeps me young.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
