You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
