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The world is full of guys, be a man.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.

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Fall in love with my mind.