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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.

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You live and you learn.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Regret lasts longer than fear.

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Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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Always remember to smile.