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Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

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This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.

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Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.