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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain

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Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.

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The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.

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F that B.

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Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.

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You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.