Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Love needs to get glasses.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
