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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.

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You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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It's weird not to be weird.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.

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I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.