A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
The lottery: voluntary taxation.
Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
