Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
