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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

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I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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If you can't beat them, taze them.