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I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.

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Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.

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Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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Fall in love with my mind.

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

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Everybody spread positivity.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.